


Deserve

by galaxymindss



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, But just assume hes there cause im tired, Clizzy - Freeform, F/F, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, I dont rlly mentino Max, Izzy and Alec are good sibilings, Jace sort of uses running as a form of self harm??, M/M, Malec, Sort Of, When is anything I write not angst tho, jimon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 17:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17308910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxymindss/pseuds/galaxymindss
Summary: Maybe Jace didn't deserve everyone in his life, but life isn't about deserving. Afterall, people weren't trophies to be won.





	Deserve

**Author's Note:**

> tw: jace uses running as a form of self harm

Jace chased the burning in his lungs, he yearned for the wind blowing through his hair, how dry his throat felt. Running always hurt, it made his legs ache and he could feel his heart about to beat from his chest. But he supposed that’s why he loved it, the pain. It was punishment as well as a reward, life was funny like that. He told himself he deserved the pain, deserved whatever the world decided to throw at him. 

All he did was hurt others, bring others pain. He was short-tempered and took it out on those around him, the people he cared about, the people he  _ loved  _ didn’t deserve that. All they were was patient with him. They coddled him through things he should've been roughly shoved into. He couldn't count the amount of times he had shut Alec out when all he did was try and help him. He was a horrible brother, and friend for that matter. 

Stoic Alec. Loving Alec. He pushed himself until he could push no more, and he didnt care what happened as long as the ones he loved were safe. But Magnus was there for him, Magnus was there for him when Jace couldn't be, which was most of the time. Magnus taught Alec he didn't need to push anymore, that it was okay to stop. He did this through soft kisses and quiet, intimate nights curled up on the couch. Magnus Bane was truly a savior, and Alec deserved nothing less. 

And then there was Izzy. His tough little sister. With her sharp quips and knowing smiles, he could swear she held the world in those big, brown eyes. She was comfortable and confident with herself, something Jace hadn’t quite mastered despite how it appeared. She’s the one who convinced him to go to counseling, the one who reminded him to take his medication. She brought over burnt casseroles and soup to his apartment, claimed she wanted to make sure he ate something, even if it was burnt. Clary and her were just chaotic enough together to work, in their own adorable way. 

Robert had broken them all down, pressed his perfectly polished shoe to their throats and smiled while they struggled. He was all viscous words and sharp angles. The opposite of Maryse, his Mother and the woman who took him in and nurtured him when his own family couldn't do so. She held him when he was young and had nightmares, nightmares of his Father’s wicked torture, whispering sweet nothings to him until he fell back asleep, dreaming of nothing but her sweet perfume and kind face.

He came to a stop, his body jerking slightly in protest. Jace rested his hands on his knees, feeling his body sticky with sweat. His shoulders heaved in an attempt to take in whatever laboured breaths they could, trying to stifle the sobs. Running rewarded him the release of his emotions, he sweated them out until he was nothing but a numb, empty shell. Sweet, sweet bliss.

“Jace,” Simon called out softly, pressing the smooth palm of his hand to Jace’s cheek. Jace’s eyes became focus again, on Simon’s beautiful face. “Let’s go home, okay? I think you’ve done enough for today.”

How could he forget Simon? Simon who never ran when Jace felt the world was to much, he sat down next to Jace and took some of the weight, helped him cope with gentle touches and cheesy jokes. They were complete opposites. Simon was all big dimples and dorky references. And yet, Jace loved him.

That night, the two had resumed their normal position with Jace’s head rested against Simon’s chest while Simon ran his fingers through Jace’s hair. Maybe Jace didn't deserve everyone in his life, but life isn't about deserving. Afterall, people weren't trophies to be won. No, he wasn't perfect and he would never even reach close. But that was okay, as long as he kept on trying. Of course, with the help of his family.

**Author's Note:**

> Me pushing my expierences onto Jace? Hmmm more likely then you think. Anyway, jimon makes my heart soft and I'm feeling kind of aidgshbsa today so here we go! I know this is short but I feel like my writing is sort of dragged out when it gets longer soo. But anyway, I love running (despite my asthma telling me to stop if I don't want to die) and it hurts like hell but I love it, so here's this fic! I hope you enjoyed, and make sure to have a lovely day/night! Come and chat with me on my tumblr if you want: clarynotfairchildd.


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